Posted in LGBT, Relationships, Uncategorized

Just Saying

Heads Up: I’m posting this because I’m a bad ass like that but not as angry as I had been before, and most importantly, I am not looking for a war here, just expressing my sentiments for the sake of my freedom of speech, whatever…so maybe we can all still be friends. Apology accepted sincerely, too.

Now, proceed at your own discretion.

Let me start with the thing that this person did that offended me straight to the bones: he made an unsolicited vagina “joke.” Okay, to be more specific without making this extensive, he enumerated how vagina is called or is known in the Waray-Waray dialect (which I will opt not to put here since it might as well rub other people the wrong way.)

So, to make a short background of what really happened, he mentioned something first about “semen” and I (being online at that time) replied by advising him to be “decent”, even putting up a religious picture to make a joke out of it. But instead of doing so, he then replied by enumerating vagina’s a.k.a. in our vernacular. I’m not even sure if my reaction was valid, but all I know is that his jokes made me tick. It seemed to me that because I was telling him to be decent with his jokes in our chat box with 10+ people recipients, he was trying to rub his crudeness more to my face as if saying “You can’t tell me what to do… or … I am not doing anything wrong… or… Here, have some more of my ‘indecency’”.  I know that maybe it was just me who was taking his “jokes” seriously or I was just being overly sensitive or I was being just a bitch, but whatever it was, I felt what I felt, and I wouldn’t deny it at all. His unsolicited vagina jokes made me tick. It made me uncomfortable.

It harassed me.

Of course, I am boggled. Why would I be harassed with just those jokes, assuming that his explanation is true that he was only telling the other people in the chat box the “different ways of saying vagina in our dialect”? One reason is maybe I am just thinking I am that super smart and cynical to just nod on that unacceptable explanation or maybe he just gave out a lousy excuse to hide his true intentions (and that was to irritate me more because I gave him “censorship”.

Right from the start, I was taught that harassment is subjective.  So basically, I have all the right in the world to tell him when to stop telling “jokes” like that (if those were even considered jokes because honestly, there was nothing funny about them or if they were not “jokes” at all, maybe a “helpful” information for those who don’t know yet how to say vagina in Waray-Waray considering that some of us are from a place that speaks that dialect) because I don’t feel comfortable about it anymore, don’t I?

Now, let me talk about “censorship.” Maybe he felt offended too by what I did because I was restraining him from saying several things he wants to say including vagina jokes because:

  1. He is a teacher in a Catholic school, so apparently he can’t tell jokes like that in class;
  2. He has a decent mom/family aside from his one closest cousin, so maybe he can’t also tell jokes like that to them;
  3. We are his Psych major friends from UP and he is expecting us to be open-minded to jokes like that (most probably);
  4. And we are the only people (if assuming he has no other support group) that can listen to his lewd jokes and that he can be open with just about anything (maybe, because he can even be very dishonest with us sometimes.);
  5. Or maybe he thinks we will never be offended by his jokes because we are “friends.”

So to censor means to retrain or to confine… However, as I see it, what I did wasn’t censorship. What I did was just trying to ask him for a little politeness because it is common sense that not all people can take capricious jokes. “Dirty jokes” for example, may vary from one person to another like for me, vagina jokes are bullets well, aside from the fact that he knows I am pro-woman, all the time, at all cost. What I was asking was for him to actually give a little respect to our vaginas the way I and other LGBT supporters give respect to the LGBT and their rights and all the things that are beneficial for them. What I was asking was for him to lessen his lewdness because others  may become uncomfortable with it, especially if it was unsolicited, like me in general.

Yes, we can talk about anything under the sun, we can talk about sex, same-sex, orgy, penises and vaginas as long as its consensual and as intellectual people, perhaps we can try to be less offensive especially by  how we respond to each other. Leave the line towards hatred uncrossed.

My friends may know that I am a person who in as much as possible, tries  to understand differences in views and perspectives and accepts it without making so much fuss about it but what is harassing/offending/hurting to me will be harassing/offending/hurting to me and I will speak about it so that it may be known and be a learning experience for all that’s involve. Moreover, I strongly believe that respect begets respect. In my life, I have always been a supporter of all things that are good, not just for me but for other living and non-living creatures as well. I love LGBT and I fight for their rights in the same manner that I love women and men and children and I fight for all of our rights in life and love. But loving the LGBT does not mean that I wouldn’t get offended by their “jokes” if they meant it the other way, especially if it is from a “friend” who knows what I have always been advocating for.

And please, may I just remind all of us people who belong to whichever sector in the society (especially the LGBT which includes me as well) that being an LGBT/a man/ a woman/ a child does not give us the right to be indecent toward other people may it be from the opposite sex or different gender/race/social status/religion etc. just because we are given special privileges. What I mean by indecency is its simplest sense:

  1. Let us not be offensive toward each other.
  2. Let our jokes not cross the route toward obscenity.
  3. Most importantly, let us give other people – may they be our family, friends, acquaintances- the genuine respect that we want them to also offer us.

We are all intelligent people and I am sure we all understand what I have been trying to say in this freaking lengthy post:

Please show some decency and DO NOT insult my vagina because I would not stoop down to your level and insult your penis or your gender or your race or your religion or whatever that’d making you human, so please just SHOW SOME GUTS FOR RESPECT AND MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE IN.

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Posted in Uncategorized

Keep Calm and Travel Like One of ‘Em Boys

For this year, I and some of my friends went on an extreme and impulsive tour. Our shared goals:

1. Get away from the place where we usually get brain-drained.
2. Have fun while spending our hard-earned money.
3. Acquire bruises and scratches and…
4. Feel near-death experience itself.

So, in this tour, what we did was just trekked, no biggie. Hiked, small thing (*scorns). Swam, most favorite part. And jumped from at least 25 ft tall water falls to 40 ft uh… insanity.

Here, take a peek:

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Look nice, didn’t it? To tell you, it was not easy but hell was it worth our everything. How to get there?

1. Ride a bus going south that will pass by Kawasan Falls, in Badian from  Cebu’s South terminal. It’s a 3-hr ride worth Php150 and don’t forget to grab some snacks on the way.

2. Tell the (what’s this in English?) Kundoktor to drop you off at St. Thomas Church near Kawasan Falls in Badian.

3. When you get there, there are plenty of locals who offer tour packages and several places to stay overnight.

4. Tour packages amount to 1,200-1,500 per person inclusive of lunch, life vests and head gear, depending on the number of pax per group and also how you bargain with the local tour guides. They can rent you suits and shoes, if you opt for less hassle travel back home without dripping clothes and squeaking  shoes for 100-150 per suit/pair of shoes.

5. Go-Pro can also be rented at 500/group, if you don’t have underwater camera or if you care about your iPhones and Androids. Here’s an unsolicited advice: this tour is full of jumping and swimming, in short action-packed, so if you don’t want to lose an investment, leave your phones at the hotel and just be contented with shaky and dark photos taken by your tour guides. That is what’s your photo editors are for.

6. Let it go. Jump and shout and have fun. Did I say jump? We’re still alive, so you probably can make it, too.

7. Take care. 🙂

Posted in Life goals, Uncategorized

Unanswered Thought Bubble 1

I always thought of what I wanted to do with my life was to make it simple – the kind when a house with a small garden, a good job, a cat and a music player would be good enough.  I still can remember when I was a kid, I had a teacher who was fond of letting us draw how we envisioned our lives several years ahead of our time. Mine were always positively colorful with fluffy clouds scattered around the blue skies, bright sun and green mountains and my humble future family having a picnic outside our little baro-baro. I am not sure whether that young mindset  was influenced by the American dream – for their little, brown brothers to stay poor and simple while Uncle Sam grow big and rich. Colonialism was so all over me back then. Until I went to college and my perspective of the simpler life started to change radically.

I used to think okay was enough, like I thought getting a college degree was already sufficient. Well, it turned out I will be needing a lot more years of education before I can be at the top in any field or else I am to do a job order labor in a local government office for the next ten years and wait until a retiree vacates his/her post to become part of the regular payroll. In the same manner, I thought it was easy to build a house with even just a small space for gardening and saving ample for it was already fine, but it turned out, I can’t build a house in a city or anywhere near the sea (because I love the sea) unless I was a businessman or a congressman, otherwise I’d have to pay for my house until I am 75 years old in order to own it. I thought being okay with what’s enough was good. Enough money to support the self, enough savings for the rainy days, a stable job that pays okay, a steady and tolerable life – these things were what I have envisioned my life to be. But it turned out that I will meet a lot of people who will let me question and rethink about the simplicity of my dreams.

I’m quite sure that I am not the only person here on Earth who gets existential some time. For example, asking one’s self questions like, why are am I here? What’s the catch from being here and doing all these?

Are we here in this world just because we need to eat, sleep, finish school, marry, own a house or a car, have our own family, and pay back the good things our parents did for us? Understandably, these are the most basic things to do when one’s alive.

But is this the real essence of living or is this just mere existence?

___________

Posted in Commitment, Relationships

Notes to Demanding Girlfriends

Be not sure of him. Don’t cling. Expect less from him . Love him the way he loves you. Don’t give too much, don’t give him your everything. Leave something for yourself. In this sense, you will understand why there are things that he wouldn’t do  for you the way you would for him. Avoid confrontations. He hates it, and would never understand it anyway. Don’t cry in front of him. Say everything you want to say when he’s not listening. Don’t demand. Unlike before, he’s a man now, he just wants to chill. Be there for you when you need someone because he won’t. Come on, don’t let your love eat you up. Did I already say always expect less?  Or better yet, expect none. So that you won’t always  be disappointed at the end of the day… Most importantly, get a life that does not revolve around him.

Be very not sure of him. When the right time comes, you’ll know who to give your whole life and love who will surely understand, cherish and deserve it. Someday, you’ll be someone’s priority. Someday, somebody will love you the way you deserve to be loved, without conditions and reservations.

But for now, love him until you no longer can. Just don’t  be very sure of him, until he realizes your worth.

Besides, there’s more to life than unrequited love. Focus ka muna sa career.

Disclaimer: Fiction po ito.

mellieriffic Posted from WordPress for Android

Posted in Life goals, Uncategorized, Work

First World Dilemma of the Unemployed

I am now on my third week of being unemployed. Not that I am enjoying it much since I am stressed by the thought that I have no income, but I think, what the hell, we only have vacations once in a while. So, basically, I make the most out of it, (first week, I have submitted application letters to bans, government offices, private offices, schools, etc) like waiting for the calls from probable employers, staying late at night watching movies, writing stuff, playing the guitar, eating, drinking booze, partying with friends, staring at the ceiling…and waking up at 2PM, having breakfast at 3PM, doing the laundry, staring at the ceiling, waiting for people to come see me at my place and chilling, going home for days to see my family and stressing my boyfriend to get off from his work earlier so that I can have someone to be with. So, yeah. That pretty much sums up my three whole week of being a rich kid. It’s just that my wallet’s getting thinner every day and I worry that the worst is still to come.

For instance, not being able to find a job until next year. Which means being kicked out from my apartment, going home to our house in the province (it’s quite relaxing there, but it’s too quite like I-can-almost hear-my-own-eardrums-working – sort of being quite.) Which means, I will have to eat twice a day instead of three (because I won’t be needing much of the calorie intake since I’ll just be sleeping and slacking the whole days– as a matter of fact, a friend already noticed that I gained weight just 2 weeks after my end of contract, oh no…), which means no booze or new stuff, no dates – no anything. Or, I’ll have to resort to the most dreaded job ever – being a call center agent. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against the agents themselves, but the job, it’s silly, but it pays a lot which is one thing I can make adjustments with. Uh, first world problems, eh? It’s toxic really to be thinking all of these things while I am in hiatus.

Then today, a friend (my roomie) after just arriving from her hometown, suddenly asked me which school offers a master’s degree that is full time because her parents are planning to send her to school after she finishes her managerial contract here in the city. And I thought to myself, she’s one of the luckiest kid I know! Like, I just died out of envy. Understandably, since she comes from a middle class family, she doesn’t need to worry about sending herself to school or she doesn’t have to think of “What’s next?” after every end of contract. I mean, she deserves that after all that she has been through with her job right now and the small pay she gets for all her hard work and sacrifices, she really is worthy of something better than that. Ah, these lucky kids with much-money parents. They must have been heroes in their past lives to be worthy of such fate today.

And I ask myself, again. What’s next? Seriously, this is a huge dilemma. I have graduated from one of the best schools in the country, I have passed the civil service exam which make me viable for a government post, I have experiences in different social works, even teaching…yet these are not enough. I still have to invest money and effort to yet another journey in the academe, to study more, to learn more, to pay more. That’s not going to be a really huge mayday if only our education is offered free but I must have been a corrupt politician in my past life to be this poor today.  And it’s just me. How about those kids who have not reached college, or have not even finished high school for that matter? What future awaits them? These Php 260 per day (that’s $5 per day) – contractual jobs, these are what’s waiting for them. It’s not surprising that even if these kids work hard, they might not get far. A Php 260 won’t even suffice if let’s say he has a family to support. How much is one kilo of rice, then fish or meat, plus his fare to and fro work? Poor workers in a poor country. So, it’s not surprising either that most of them go abroad and try their luck in the richer places they can be in.

That’s sad. But even I, am considering working abroad. I still have two siblings who are still studying. I have another sibling who is sick. My parents can only get by enough every day. We are not rich. I don’t even think we are in the middle-class. We can just get by enough. We are just considering ourselves luckier than those who are currently seeking refuge from other countries because of bombs and bullets flying in their own lands.  Yes, I have worked in private organizations and I got paid higher than those JOs in the government, but my money goes to my family, not much though because I have bills and insurances to pay and of course, my tax is heartbreakingly huge since I am single, so mostly what’s left is for my food and apartment and a little booze. Moreover, I cannot afford to send myself to school while my family is not able to stand yet from the rubbles of what we have gone through these past two years. From Haiyan to Baby Hans. Yes, I have savings, but it’s for the rainy days.

I am still trying to figure out if this is really what I want. Do I want to work and earn more abroad, away from my loved ones, or do I want to work double-time here in this God-forsaken economy but be with the people I am doing this for? What do I really want? (I somehow regret taking up Psychology…I love it, no doubt about it, but it’s like art. There’s no money in art unless it’s Van Gogh.)

I have plans but at this rate, and with the limited resources I have, I am not just sure how to achieve them. I know, there will be a day when my phone will ring and someone on the other side will offer me something to work on. I just hope it’ll be not too late. I am hoping my vacation ends just until this month ends, because seriously, I am getting bad vibes from being unemployed.

*Speaking of Van Gogh, I don’t find his story inspiring. His paintings only became famous after he committed suicide. That sucks.

mellieriffic Posted from WordPress for Android

Posted in Annulment, Marriage, Pope

Hooray to Our Radical Pope!

Source: Hooray to Our Radical Pope!

Just today, I smiled as I’m sipping my morning coffee because I heard the news that Pope Francis “radically simplifies rules on marriage annulment”. I am not surprised at all! In fact I am happy about it. This is what the church is supposed to be doing even from the start. I like the point where the emphasis is on the sacrament of marriage where cheating/adultery and any kind of abuse are by no means sacred. (By which basis I put my faith on people thinking open-mindedly about everything.) I mean first, the LGBT rights, and now, this simplification and free annulment for the poor. I have nothing against anyone who may disagree with what the Pope (or the Catholic Church at that) has done, we can always agree to disagree but this is a huge step for humanity! The poor will be assuaged from this expensive right, and the rich can just hang onto their pennies. I also have nothing to say about how the church should be focusing instead on other more important and pressing issues right now, like refugees from Syria, but it’s beside the point, since it’s surely is political (with the Titan Countries involved), also considering the separation of church and state affairs, and all… The church, as well as any other country can only do so much.  Anyway, going back, it’s indeed the “Year of Mercy”.

Let’s face it. All things between couples do not end when they get married. It’s a start of a new life, they say. And let’s also face it that according to most studies and statistics, people tend to abuse someone who is not of blood related to them, which in any case can be the husband or the wife. Probably we can also include our nature of being adulterous. We can’t just have one. We have to have more of what we’re supposed to have.

Moreover, nothing is permanent, so feelings and well, people do change. So Pope is right to give justice to the sanctity of marriage. Marriage is one of the social protocols that the humankind has created. Sure, it’s a symbol of unity and love and people promising half of their lives to the one they want to share it with. By that, we put in the marriage’s sanctity. But without unity, without the love and respect, this sanctity dies. Annulment, when used justly, can be a hero to battered wives, emotionally-abused husbands, and traumatized children of parents always fighting and shouting in front of them. Moreover, it’s not right at all to imprison people who are suffering from their own marriage, most importantly with the relationship they share with the persons who were once the loves of their lives just because we want to please our God (or be scared of what others may think) or just because we believe that God would frown if we decide to do what’s right. Everything about God is just, the concept, the beliefs, the teachings, whatever God’s name maybe. We humans make God unjust.

So, since protocols are usually done through expensive papers and court hearings, justice is served hot and fast when one has all the resources. Unfortunately, for example in the Philippines, I’m guessing 75% of the population wouldn’t afford losing money for annulment procedures, they’d rather spend it say, in their kids’ food, clothes and education. So because of this, sometimes, married couples may just separate illegally, and would most probably commit another “sin” by engaging in a new relationship while still being “technically” married.

My boyfriend doesn’t believe in marriage (I think so). I, on the other hand, at least believe in people who marry and try to have kids and co-exist for some time. I believe in love and sanctity and faith and ever thing else that “makes the world go round”. So, I am happy about this news, really. Maybe I can convince him to marry me today, and tomorrow we will be annulled if ever one of us broke our sacred promise. We can afford it; we’re still rich working kids. Which, I think is…nope. I’d rather sip my coffee first.