I always thought of what I wanted to do with my life was to make it simple – the kind when a house with a small garden, a good job, a cat and a music player would be good enough. I still can remember when I was a kid, I had a teacher who was fond of letting us draw how we envisioned our lives several years ahead of our time. Mine were always positively colorful with fluffy clouds scattered around the blue skies, bright sun and green mountains and my humble future family having a picnic outside our little baro-baro. I am not sure whether that young mindset was influenced by the American dream – for their little, brown brothers to stay poor and simple while Uncle Sam grow big and rich. Colonialism was so all over me back then. Until I went to college and my perspective of the simpler life started to change radically.
I used to think okay was enough, like I thought getting a college degree was already sufficient. Well, it turned out I will be needing a lot more years of education before I can be at the top in any field or else I am to do a job order labor in a local government office for the next ten years and wait until a retiree vacates his/her post to become part of the regular payroll. In the same manner, I thought it was easy to build a house with even just a small space for gardening and saving ample for it was already fine, but it turned out, I can’t build a house in a city or anywhere near the sea (because I love the sea) unless I was a businessman or a congressman, otherwise I’d have to pay for my house until I am 75 years old in order to own it. I thought being okay with what’s enough was good. Enough money to support the self, enough savings for the rainy days, a stable job that pays okay, a steady and tolerable life – these things were what I have envisioned my life to be. But it turned out that I will meet a lot of people who will let me question and rethink about the simplicity of my dreams.
I’m quite sure that I am not the only person here on Earth who gets existential some time. For example, asking one’s self questions like, why are am I here? What’s the catch from being here and doing all these?
Are we here in this world just because we need to eat, sleep, finish school, marry, own a house or a car, have our own family, and pay back the good things our parents did for us? Understandably, these are the most basic things to do when one’s alive.
But is this the real essence of living or is this just mere existence?