“But Why..? You Were So In Love!”.
I have always been in love my entire life. I have always been, and will always be, as far as I can.
It might not always be with another man or woman since people can love a lot of better things in life, like the mornings and evenings, pets, the moon, the stars, getting high, travelling, career, family, God, religion and a whole lot more.
Most of the time, we love because we are loved or we feel loved. It’s a two-way process. Loving gives us something in return. It’s not true that when we love, we need to do it unconditionally. There has got to be something for us in it, always. Pleasure. Satisfaction. Happiness. Thrill. Peace. Something nice or not, feeling good or not. Whatever it might be, there has always got to be an equivalent exchange. Otherwise, it’s senseless.
Just recently, one of my couple friends broke up. They were both close to me, I mean, we were college buddies and up until now, we still go out sometimes and have fun or go out and cry and drink and complain about life and parents and stuff that hurts…
Moving forward, I was boggled. Basically, I was affected.
But why, they were so in love! “After all those challenges and dramas you had, the triangles, the memories, the friendship… after everything?”
Of course, I have heard sides. They are my friends and I try to sympathize with the both of them, no matter how much biases I have and no matter how distant they are right now from us.
So, see? He left because he gets nothing good anymore out of loving her. They were so in love, but it was before things change. It was before he realized that loving her doesn’t mean staying with her. It was before he realized that loving her doesn’t mean he will give up his dreams of becoming a better person. It was before he realized the weight of his options, which ones are for keeps and which are not.
This makes me terrified , because apparently, this can happen to me, too. I am so in love right now that my plans and dreams include my man all over them. I love because I feel loved. I love because I am happy. I love because I want him in my life. But what if I am the only one getting something out of our relationship? What if he doesn’t get his equivalent exchange in our set-up? What if I am wrong about why I love?
This is reality. There are three things you can’t escape in your life. Taxes, Death and Changes.
Changes make us realize about what we’re getting with what we do with our lives. I don’t want to compare my relationship with theirs because they differ in many huge ways. But I am still bothered by the fact that change can happen, and it might affect us either severely or beautifully.
But somehow, there is also this one thing we have that can never be taken away from us by any one. We have our Choices. Our choices make us who we are as human beings, as people, as lovers.
As my man’s new motto for our relationship: “Hanggang sa abot ng ating makakaya…”
“As far as we can.”
Because, we can never really tell. One day, we were so in love and the next day, we just seemed so in love. As far as we can – endure, be happy, go, be – we will go on loving.